Hey is it hot enough for ya??

Hey is it hot enough for ya?? Yeah... it certainly is.... Today is the 4th or 5th day of this oppressive heat, who could keep count? I'm delirious....

I work in a restaurant, if you actually read this, you already know that... (hey a guy can hope for new readers, can't he?).

The restaurant has been set a balmy 76 degrees. Compared to the outside, it's like being inside a fridge. I love it when I'm in the kitchen, (usually 125 to 130 degrees thanks to our new best idea, PIZZA, in pizza ovens), then I walk back into the dining room, with a fountain's worth of sweat dripping off of my head, arms and other areas fortunately covered by clothes. Then right there, at table 13, the woman says, "Could you please turn the air conditioner down, it's giving me a chill.." Yeah, sure... right on that... here's a beach towel to soak up my sweat that pooled on your table, while you uttered that 13 word request...

Yesterday I didn't have to be at work until 1:00pm, I of course pushed that 1:53... I played golf with Billy Cal, my night bartender, and "G", who will remain nameless, and "G's" brother, "C"... Once again... sshhhhhhhh... don't even ask me who...

Anyway we, (okay me), organize a tee time for 9:30am, it's the absolute latest I can tee off and expect to be at work on time, and it's exactly the earliest I can convince my night vampire, err bartender, and "G" & "C" to show up. We decide on a local course so that it's quicker for me when we finish. So off of Clark Lane in Orange CT, we pull up in the lot of Grassy Hill Country Club. Once a prestigious private club for the "cool" 60's crowd. My dad wasn't a member. A few of my friends dads were members though. I once worked a New Years Eve Member party there as a busboy when I was 17 years old. But that is another story in itself.

It's now 9:29am, and "C" & I are there waiting for the other two, ohh.. there's Billy Cal, stiffly walking to the clubhouse with a lit Cohiba hanging from his mouth,. By the looks of his shirt, he must have just fed twin babies in the parking lot, because it looks like he's been lactating for an hour. At this point "C" is laughing, I look over to him, and he tells me when he called his brother 45 minutes ago, and told him we were golfing, his reply was, "That's today?". Yeah, I told him yesterday, his brother told him last night, perfect response, nonetheless, he'll be here on time.

At this point Billy has waddled up to a closer distance to the clubhouse, it's here that we hear his moans & groans... "I hate this f*ck*ing course, it's too hot for this, I'm too old..", I look at "C", he's fine, he's ready...

It's 9:33. "G" pulls in, from this angle it looks like he was driving with his eyes closed. Face all red, but looking as dapper as ever, neatly pressed shirt, top knotch golf shorts, and a slight odor of liquor... ever so slight... apparently "G" & "C" were at a family party at another restaurant last night, "G" mumbles something about 5:00am... not sure what language that was...

The four of us stumble into our golf carts and proceed to the first tee....

The starter mentions something to us about an outing at 1:30, so if we aren't on the 18th tee by then, we would have to cease play. Billy, ever the diplomat, "What if we don't... are you gonna shoot us?... Friggin' Grassy Hill, wouldn't it be nice if you told us before your took our green fees,... not a problem I'll never play this course again...", the starter gave us his standard goodbye, "Enjoy your day gentlemen"...

And we're off... We played a few holes and then we caught up to a threesome at
number 4, a twelve year old boy, his thin dad and grandfather, swinging like they were street sweepers... At number 6 we passed them and caught up to the "Night of the Living Dead"... A foursome with the combined age of 3,752, give and take a decade.. By number 7, Billy was rumbling thru his golf bag for a gun, to kill himself, he muttered something along the lines of trying to walk up to the old guys to kill them, but it was too much effort in this heat.

At one point Billy was way right, almost in another fairway, standing by the cart 5 feet from his ball, waiting for the old guys to clear the green before he attempts his approach shot and another foursome of retirees, drive up to as they are looking for their ball and make the mistake of asking Billy a stuipid question.. "Is that your ball?". Billy, ever the politically correct orator, answers with, "Yeah, it's my titliest, I'm lieing 17 waiting to hit the ball... how am I doing? Huh?". They quickly steer away from this cigar puffing, lactating miserable man. The rest of us turn away and laugh.

The front nine took forever, in a 2 hour and 45 minute pace, the geezers gave up, we went out the back nine with nothing in our way but clear fairways, red faces, wet shirts and sticky underwear...

At 48, and with a receding hairline, I have the reddest forehead & nose you've ever seen, like a sail on a schooner, my nose blocks all sunlight to my legs, so my legs are still pretty white... This phenomenon bought out the insults somewhere around number 14. All in all, I shot like crap, but it was a day on the golf course, and I'm always thankful of that.

I made it to work a little late but with plenty of time to place the necessary orders & do payroll, Mondays are usually slower, we have Billy behind the bar, and a young girl on the floor. A great night to relax and recharge the golf batteries from being in the sun all day. No... the restaurant Gods are not kind to those that have glimmering moments of bliss. Last night, we got slammed. The use of Slammed is restaurant talk for really, really busy.

One girl, one bartender, and no busboy... Yeah, I got a work a little harder tonight. Of course it was nonstop action, sweat pouring off me, kids, kids, kids & more kids... At least I'll sleep good tonight. We closed up late, Billy Cal, you remember him from the golf game, looked like a vampire in serious need of a blood transfusion.. I can't help him, I'm AB+, a universal receiver...

So the night ends, and I'm looking forward to that wonderful thing called Sleep. I get to my sisters, and lo & behold, the A/C is broken, very nice end to a long day...

At 3:30am I got a cold wash clothe and draped it over my large, red forehead... Tossing & Turning all night ARRRGGGHHHHH....

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.... Another 98 degree day that is....