The End of the Run...... The Fan has closed :(

Get your tissues out... you may tear up a little... God knows I have in the past few days....

It's a simple story, sad, happy, and all in between...

Back in June of 2005, The Fan Restaurant & Sports Bar opened for business... Warren, Steve & Sal opened up Woodbridge CT's only sports bar. They asked me to be the GM, with ownership in regard to profit sharing after the first year. It was a great place, fun to see it develop from ideas to construction to opening and to being very busy. We had some hiccups in the early stages, there were town political issues about whether we should open or not... A lot of drama in the beginning, ahhh who am I kidding, drama was the Fan's Middle name...

We had some memorable days, memorable nights, great fun, jokes, laughs, and of course tears...

The hiring process was an adventure. We overstaffed in the beginning hoping to find diamonds in the rough.. We found some granite, marble and the occasional slate, but yes we did find a few diamonds, some flawed, but diamonds nonetheless.

I remember that first week so vividly, I lost 20 lbs, along with my voice, (rundown from lack of sleep and food).

The original crew was great! We formed a bond early, as everything was new, we grew together as a team and we had fun. We fun, after one of our first Employee meetings, Vinny (the chef) and I spoke, telling everyone the correct ways for things to be done, then we let the floor open from comments from the owners... It was as this point that Warren said.. "When I come in here I wanted to be treated like royalty...you know like the President of the United States". Well kids we had a field day with that one, Elissa, a/k/a Red, brought in an old wall phone of her moms that was red, so we had it by the corner of the bar, Steve, Warren's partner, would call us on his cell, driving by the front of the restaurant screaming, "Perimeter Clear", needless to say that joke lasted a few months.. Then there was the time win Jen came into work and was heading to the restroom to freshen up, the door was unlocked, and as she walked in, there was a guy hovering over the toilet in mid-wipe... Aarrggghhh, (sorry for that vision), but Vinny, Jen and I were crying in laughter in the back of the restaurant, for a good 30 minutes. My sides hurt for a few days. But the best part was the guy walked back to the bar and continued eating and drinking. If that had happened to me, (which it would never, because I lock the bathroom door even if I'm alone), I would have jumped into my car and never have gone back there...

We hired all 3 Connolly kids, Nora first, then Luke as a busboy, the Sophie after she finished college. A great family, thx Tom & Lucia for rasing good kids... Nora was pushed on me by my neice Briana, who swore she was a hard worker and a great addition to the team, the first time I met Nora, she looked a deer in the headlights, wide eyed and very attentive, once I got to know her she was as crazy (in a good way) as anyone. This one time, Lucia, (the mom) had brought her mom in for lunch, Nora was the server, Luke our busboy. This particular day Lucia's mom, Constance Green, was enjoying a nice day in the restaurant and wanted to treat her grandchildren like most grandparents do, by offering money to them.

"Nora...honey, here..take some money"... while she was holding a 20 dollar bill..

"No, No grams.. I can't take your money" as she cleared some plates and headed back to the kitchen, it was at this point that Luke wandered intobefore... wiping the chairs down, straightening the tables, when Constance noticed her grandson working so diligently, reached into her purse, pulled out a 5 spot and waved it towards Luke and said,

"Here honey... " like a lion pouncing on it's prey, Luke swiped the $5 out of his grandmothers hands and said.

"Thanks Gram.." and proceeded to do nothing the rest of the day but try and get Andrea (one of our servers) to go out with him...

We had fun here... and there's a million more stories, but this blog spot could go on forever...

All in all we had a great staff, Billy Cal was hired to run the bar, he and the Grifftone were our Friday night barkeeps. Leigh-Loo, who went to school at SCSU but lived in Buffalo, her parents would make the 6 1/2 hour trip to see her every few months, (Good People). Courtney & Carly, Lindsay, Kaitlin, Molly Alana, Jen Q40, Andrea, Laura and many more, too many to mention. We had the the best looking and most talented hostesses this side of the Connecticut River, Kelly, Celia, Kristy, etc... and some of the worst busboys ever... Freddy, Jesse, Dan, Mike, LOL... they all got good right before they left...

Our bartenders were works of art, Nicole, Chrissy, Erica, Ashcan, and of course Danielle. Each one more special than the other...
In their own way of course...





In the end, it was Augustine, our faithful dishwasher, who worked hard every day... Mario our Head Chef, and first hire back in 2005, Oswaldo, Freddy, Paulo, all good workers.

And of course our servers at the end, who witnessed and had to endure the end. Taryn, who never did punch a customer, but threatened to too many a time. And who would entertain me by labeling each customers check name with a perfect descriptions of that table, (some names I can not disclose, as some of them may be reading this blog). Briana, who stayed only because her mom made her, (and since she's afriad of her mom/my sister as I am she had to stay until the end), Cassandra who was everyone's taxi service, and would show up limping and on medication for a party of 30, because she promised to work the party, (we sent her home that day...LOL). Michelle who no matter if it was busy or slow moved at the same pace. Kasey, who started as a busboy during here break from college, and now when I'm in a jam
would drive home from school to work, and let me tell you as a server...she's one heck of a swimmer...LOL. Of course our bartenders; Danielle, one of my better hires, who just recently left us after some of our payroll cuts, Erica who alwys turned Taryn's IPOD up too loud and Ashley who consistently spent the first 45 minutes of her shift on her cellphone. A great crew that I will never forget.... EVER!!! I love you all... some more than others..

So anyhoo... the last day was a sad one indeed, but a great way to go out.... (Take that pee break now.... )...

Saturday, April 18th was our last day... I woke up at my sisters a little after 8am, too early, but I had a tough time sleeping. I got my DD coffee and opened the door at 10am, so the crew could prep the place for business.

I have to admit, I'm a sentimental guy, very careing, etc... but I'm not known as a cryer... Sure I well up at funerals... but who doesn't... besides, I 've been to too many, so I have numbed myself of that emotion... But I have to admit... by 11:26am, I had cried 6 times... Jeezz.. I'm a wuss...

Alot of emotions running thru me, in as I thought back on the past 4 years, I realized that while all else crumbled around me I could numb my senses by diving into work, (of course that means I should have been a better manager).... A major IRS issue, some deaths, my marriage, etc, I would block it all out and immerse myself in my job... Like the time I was driving to work in NJ to CT, in the rain when I got cutoff by a silver minivan, hit the brakes and then did my best Nascar hydroplane into the concrete Jersey Barriers on the Tappan Zee Bridge.. Thru 6 lanes of traffic, amazingly not hitting another car... I rented a car and made it to work 2 hours late... I remember the rental car clerk shaking his head, "No one smashes a car and rents a car and hour later..." Well.... I do...and did...

I got a few text messages in the morning wishing me good luck and some positive reinforcements...

I get my first call from Warren... speaking somber in a low voice that there isn't enough "Density in Woodbridge" to keep it going at this location..

I was then visited by Mark Bollard, a/k/a "Bully"... Then Mike Morris a/k/a "Bigs" stopped in... Then Steve, a/k/a "Large", it was at this point as I'm grabbing the rest of the dwindling liquor stock to the bar, when I picked up the case of Da Vinci's Chianti, the bottom of the box opens up, 8 bottles smash to the ground, but not before one breaks my big toe on my left toe, (but not to gross out Taryn, there will not be a photo of that). As tough and strong a woman as she is, and much like Superman with the Kyrptonite, feet is not something she can handle...

Doug DiLorenzo and his daughter Jenna stop in to give me a Bethwood Softball golf shirt as a present, (Thx to them eating with us for all four years) at the time when the red wine is seeping thru the liquor closet wall.. That's when Steve starts talking about Moses and the Nile of blood... (You had to be there)... He was just happy I had less to get rid of after we closed...LOL...

Bailey, Warren's daughter, stopped in to say hi to Taryn, and was dissappointed that she wasn't arriving until 1:30pm. She then sat in the dinning room and told me if the restaurant was her house she would put the living room here, kitchen here.. my office would be a closet for her clothes, and she would add an indoor swimming pool. Not what I wanted to hear on this morning... but if you know Bailey, she's the nicest kid in the world... You know there was no ill will meant...

Warren's wife Alicia came in to get Bailey, looking tired, drained and ripped.... She's competing next week for a bodybuilding Figure Competition and this is the last week of her diet and training, (handclapping please), she's gonna do great!!

It's now 1pm, the New York Rangers and the Washington Capitals are playing game two in the opening round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. So our first guests of the day are John & Ray wearing their Yankee shirts proudly, and their friend Tony wearing the ugliest Red Sox you can imagine... Actually, any Red Sox shirt is ugly...but that's just my opinion.

We have no kitchen staff, so I tell them popcorns free... (It's been free from day one)...

Taryn shows up in ripped jeans and a homemade shirt she made that says, "I Love the Fan" with her name on the back and a matching shirt for her adorable son Wyatt with "Rookie" blazed on the back of his... Yeah she asked if she could wear jeans on the last day.... and before I could say yes, she says, "What... are you gonna fire me??" Needless to say that's not an option... It's the last day the heck with it. (she made me a shirt too, XXL in Black of course with a captains "C" on it) Thx :)

She has no babysitter until 3 ish or so, so that's why Wyatt was with her, he loved coming to the Fan he always got his coloring book and crayons, cup of Sprite, (Excellent for blowing bubbles thru the straw), and Popcorn. Usually he's happy to be here, and for a moment I thought he was sad too. But one look at his shaved head..... I realized he still hadn't forgave his mom for the buzzcut... I just hope 20 years from now he remembers how much fun it was to visit the restaurant.

So since I don't have a kitchen staff until Mario wakes up and comes in (He worked the night before until 10pm, then slept a little and went to his other job from 2am to 10am) Ray, John & Tony, (but who care what Tony thinks, he's a Red Sox fan) are starving. So I offer to buy lunch at 5 Guys Hamburgers if John goes and gets it... Sixty eight dollars later, with greasy fries and cheeseburgers and hotdogs we chow down our last meal at the Fan, (made down the street though...)

Dave Camacho & Pigpen, err I mean Steve come in, I think Steve has a drinking problem, I'm not sure, but in 4 years I never saw him sober... but today he's outside smoking a cigarette, with NO baseball hat on, and for a fleeting moment, I swear it's Jack Nicholson. Dave and I laugh about that one, that on the Fan's Last day we finally got a celebrity to stop in...

The Rangers win to go 2 games up on the Caps, and we start getting busy... Oh it's gonna be crazy I can feel it. Kasey comes in after helping Uncle Wayne at The UNH Spring Football game cookout, complaining of BBQ smoked eyes. and exhausted from class the day before at Rutgers in NJ and the FAST drive to CT to do a double on Friday night.

The night gets heated up, and it's wall to wall people, if every night was like that we'd be millionaires by now... Steve & I joke that we should have spread the rumor of us closing every other week for the past 4 years... That would have been tremendous marketing!!

BudLight Mike & Diane, (whom met at the FAN, and are getting married this year) Paul Hennessy & Rick came in to say their goodbyes. BudLight Mike got his name from Molly one of our old crew, because he drinks Vodka..... I'm kidding, he's a Budlight fanatic... It was a wild scene The UNH football coaches were there, all in all a lot of good friends.. People I was reacquantied with from my past, new friends, old ones, almost all of them I love... well...who am I kidding, I don't even like half of them... But last nite was a special one, the end of an era.... Ok so I've cried 5 more times today... Time to move on with my life... If you care.... tune in again and I'll write about.....

Thank you all!!!!! It was a great run..... But another chapter is over.... Geez I haven't teared up this much since I watched "Brian's Song in 1973... I gotta go, I've spent the entire day alone in the Fan and I'm drained. Oh one more thing, some moron called and asked if I could make him a pizza or are you really closed... AAARRRGGGHHHH...

Who are these people anyways..... and where were they for the past 4 years......

I want to thank every single customer that came in, some of you are or became good friends... Doug, Donna & Lisa our Friday night regulars, Jim & Colleen who took Billy Cal and me their wings. Chuck & Robin, who a nicest people around. Doug & Robin and the girls Jenna & Brittney. Tony, Dominque, Angie & Peter. The Jew Crew... Peric, Allison, Dave, Shelly, Iyla, Ronnie, etc.. Lee, Mark, Lisa & Ed. Kim & Billy, Jess & Bird. Kenny G, The Packer Girls Kate, Kim, Megan, & Corey.. Don, Jeff & the Turncoat Vince... Harold, Harold & Rod... Geri, Jess, Joanne, Wynn, Steve, Jenn, Shelly, Rick.... There's too many to list... Jeff the Flyer man... Bruce T, JP & Art, Jen, Laura & Drew. Artie, Onzio, Todd Carroll and his wife. Frannie & Anthony. I'm forgetting them all but Thank you !!!

(click on any picture for a clearer and larger view....)

The light is dimming....... See ya soon....

BOMBER goes to Florida

Here's the deal I have 9 nephews and 4 nieces.. not all by the same sibling of course.. But my sister has 3 boys and a girl... Blake, a/k/a Bomber is the youngest boy in my sisters family. He's 29, and has been working for years. He decided 6 months back that he wanted to attend Motorcycle Mechanic school in Orlando. A mere 18 hours away by car. The commute might be tough so he decided to pack up his belongings and head to the Sunshine State. This past Saturday (Feb 14th), he was driving down. I offered my services, because I'm a good uncle and I can always use a day off.. Of course sitting in a car for 18 hours isn't the best day off. But helping relocate my nephew makes up for it.

So as you know I live in NJ and work in CT, Friday the 13th, (scary thought I know), I head back to NJ after we closed so I can feed my cats. By the time I get home, feed the feline crew and get to bed it's usually late, I got a total of 4 1/2 hours sleep before I arose, fed the cats again and got to work by 10 am. It was a good Saturday, we were busy, and after working 14 hours straight I drove around the corner to my sisters and picked up Bomber and my brother-in-law Wayne and we started our trip.

We're heading to florida, the land of sand and sunshine and foreclosures... So of course at 2 am the night before I am rummaging thru my drawers to fine the perfect summer attire. Lo and behold, my all time favorite shorts were there neatly folded and waiting to be worn. I don't remember when I bought them, but by the comments that my staff mentioned it could have been when big hair and louvers sunglasses were in style... Yea know 20 years before any of them were born... I pack up the shorts because the contrast of my lilly white legs will look great. Heck... I'm going to Florida I gotta look the part.

Anyways back to the story. We head out at exactly 11:37pm in Bomber's Envoy with a 10 foot Uhaul attached to the back. I figure I'll drive first as I've been working and usually drive to NJ late at night I'm prepared for it. Anytime you get three people together, especially family for a long drive sometimes in the cramped up arrangements you tend to get on someones nerves, we fought like cats and dogs, and we got to Stratford, 10 miles into our 1200 mile trip... No I'm just kidding, Bomber was snoozing in the back, and Wayne was alert and talking to me during the first leg. We made it thru New York and NJ hitting only 4,786 potholes along the way, not bad actually, we expected to hit 12,000 of them, so obviously we were off to a good start.

By the time we hit Delaware it was 4:20am, I was starting to get tired. So we pulled into a rest stop to pass water, (that's take a piss to you crude folks), as soon as we get out of the car, a ragged woman walks up to me and asks for help, you see she was 112 miles from home, and was out of gas.. A certain scam, but I gave her money nonetheless, Bomber and Wayne walked past her, snickering at the gullible Uncle...

Wayne asked what a Roy Rogers Hamburger tasted like, I told him it tatsed like a hamburger, but he had to find for himself. After he shoved it in ..he said.. "that was good"... Then we headed back to the car. At this point, I knew I'd be resting for a while, so I decided to change my socks, after all I had been in them since 8:30am on Saturday morning. But because I'm a thoughtful person I put them in a plastic bag and tied them up and stuffed them under the car seat. Apparently after 49 years of sweaty feet I've become immune to the scent. It didn't bother me... but Wayne and Bomber immediately started choking and coughing, and as I fell into a restfull nap I just assumed they were both catching a cold. Twenty minutes or so later, I awoke to a slight chill, you know the one, when you have a bad dream or when every window in the car is wide open and it's 32 degrees outside. I thought maybe they were just looking for a little fresh air to keep them awake, and I drifted back into sleep. At one point, Wayne pulled off an exit and found a 24 hour drug store so he could buy smelling salts, Bomber had passed out cold in the back seat due to my socks. Once again, it didn't seem to faze me... A couple of hours later, Bomber passed out again, Wayne was driving and then I awoke to the sounds of rumble ramps. What are rumble ramps you ask?? They are the safety bumps on the side of highways that are to awake a sleeping driver if he drifts off the road.

Let me digress here at bit... did you ever see National Lampoons Vacation with Chevy Chase , there's that one scene where the entire family, first the kids, then Beverly DeAngelo are sleeping, then they pan to Chevy behind the wheel of the "TRUCKSTER" and he's sleeping too..

Okay, so I wake up to the rumble ramp noise and I ask Wayne if he's all right.. "Yeah he says, I just closed my eyes for a minute".. THAT's IT...PULL OVER...BLAKE, you're driving!!

I'm not sure how long his eyes were closed but I swear we did a 360 with the trailer intact...

Bomber drove for a while and we decided to stop and eat breakfast, by this point we had seen 786 "South of the Border" billboards, so we decide to get off at that exit, it's on the NC/SC border. It's there we see a big Waffle House sign, what a perfect place to stop for breakfast. I was going to put on those great shorts but the temperture hadn't risen fast enough, I guess I'll wait for the FLA border for that. Truth be told, this particular location might have made me stand out like a sore thumb. We park the car, and head in for breakfast. I am assuming that the Waffle House criteria for employees are as followed, Old, overweight and wearing too tight clothing. Well their regional manager would be proud, they were dressed perfectly for that code.

The place was dreary, dirty and sticking at best... I over hear the table next to us say, "That's why we come to this Waffle House becuase they are cleaner than the other". WOW... no wonder they Easterners... The bathroom looked like something out of Creature Theatre.. I looked for a wire brush to scrape the skin off my hands before heading out for my breakfast. I've had better breakfast from a carnation instant packet. But, I love eggs, Bacon and sausage, so it wasn't a total loss. After we eat, I jump behind the wheel and head south, we are half way to our destination.

I live on Dunkin Donuts coffee, it's part of my routine to stay awake for 14 hours a day at work. I don't know why or how we didn't pass a DD from Delaware to Florida, to me that's mindboggling.

Driving farther south the temp rises slightly, still not warm enough for the shorts. Switching drivers again after gassing up we continue on our trek... I still don't know what their obession is with the windows down, I can't smell my socks at all.

We hit the Florida border and we are heading to stretch drive, another 2 1/2 hours from now we'll be in Orlando. I drive the last couple of hours, and proceed to get explicite instructions from Wayne concerning my speed, pulling the trailer, it reminded me of my Driver Training class in 1976. Wayne's getting cranky, and the socks are killing them, I still don't understand their plight.

We arrive in Orlando at 7pm Sunday night. All in all it wasn't bad. We decide to offload the trailer, yea smart choice, I've been in the same clothes for two days, I stink, (everywhere but my feet of course).. I'm tired, cranky, need a shower and real food. We unload it all up two flights of stairs into Bombers new pad. My sister and niece Briana who flew down a few days in advance are like ants, unpacking and movie things 1000 times their weight... By the time I get out of the shower I am a new man. The only thing left to do is book my flight home.. Piece of cake as they say...

I get to fly as a non revenue passenger, you know FREE. All I have to do is call an 800 number, enter in a few special numbers and book myself a flight. Sounds easy, doesn't it?? Well it started out easy, but when you do thing automated, every prompt asks for more detail, first the date of travel, February 16th, then the origin city, that's easy; ORLANDO. Destination city, once again easy, LaGuardia in New York. Flight number, easy again, #1484, now checking availability for another flight, not so easy. After the the fourth time with my octave a bit louder and my cadence a bit slower I recite F E B R U A R Y SiX-Teenth.. "Did you say January 3rd", NO.. February 16th. "I'm sorry we did not understand you please repeat the date, or say "Go Back".. Six more times or 15 I kind of lost count I say GO BACK, staring at my phone like the last gulp of my milk glass when I was 8 years old just fell on the floor. Start over... well this continues for another twenty minutes and by the time, my sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew are sick of my temper tamtrum. Briana offers to help, "Maybe they will understand a womans voice better"... Yeah yeah whatever give it a try.. She has no luck either. Finally I hang up my cell phone whose batteries are about to die...

Screw this... lets eat, so off to Ruby Tuesday for late dinner, while waiting for the rest I try and call regular Delta scheduling, all I need to know is availability, amazingly I get a real nice operator who says I'll book the flight for you... AARRRGGGGHHHH why did I have to drive myself nuts, I could have dine that from the start...

We go and eat at Ruby's, and I have a salad bar and a burger, I tell my niece not to tell anyone that I actually ate healthy, I don't want to ruin my image.

We head back to Blakes new place and Wayne, Wendy & Bri head to the hotel. I'm sleeping over Bombers, and he's been telling me about his blow up mattress all week. If you seen one blow up bed, you've seen them all.... or so I thought. Leave it to Blake to buy the best. This was the Cadillac of blow up beds, most beds I've seen or slept on are approximately 3 to 5 inches thick. This thing was like a box spring and a mattress in one, it had to be 12 to 15 inches hugh, it took 10 minutes to fill (a very long time in blowup bed time), and instead of the standard cold plastic top it had a built in felt cover. very luxurious to say the least. We set up, er I mean Blake setup his new 200" LCD TV with accompanied blu-ray player and we started to watch Will Ferrell in "Step Brothers" I was excited to watch the movie and relax after such a long trip., 7 minutes later I was out cold. I woke up at around 4 am and looked around, the tV was off, the lights were off and Blake was in his bedroom sleeping, oops missed the movie. But I remembered that Blake had a candy jar, so I downed a few Sweet tarts and went back to sleep.

The next morning the crew came back over, the cable guy showed up to hook up his wares and Wayne drove me to the airport. I jumped on my flight, landed safely at LaGuardia (short runways and all) and caught a ride home with Ct Limo, I really didn't think that a van full of travelers could weave thru traffic that well. But our driver Acmed did a great job.

All in all it was a fun experience, and it was siomething we will remember for the rest of our lives, of course 20 years from now, the only reference that will be noted was how bad my socks smelt.. Oh well, that's the way of the world when you only have 9 toes...

As for the shorts, I never wore them, but they did make to and back from Florida.

I'm looking forward to visiting Bomber there again, but not looking forward to the drive when he eventually moves home. What the heck, he's got three other uncles, maybe they can do that!!

To Pass the Kidney Stone.... or not...? That's the Question...

If I had to choose between playing a round of golf in 80 degree weather at a prestigious private club or passing a kidney stone... I would choose golf, even if I had a bad round... Well, last week.... I was presented with both...... Last Monday I was scheduled to play at the Chippanee Golf Course in Bristol Connecticut. At the restaurant, we have a couple of great customers, Jim and Colleen, who frequent our place for a meal or an occassional drink. In the past they treated Billy Cal, my night Vampire bartender, and myself to a round at the TPC course in CT. So every year Colleen has a charity outing for L.I.S.A., which stands for Living in Safe Alternatives. The L.I.S.A. also remembers Lisa Steinberg, who was killed by her adoptive father, in NYC years ago.. It's a great organization that helps children in need. It's something that she feels very strongly, and actively promotes... (This is where you are supposed to stand up and gently clap for her efforts)... Go ahead... I'll pause.....

So Billy and I talked about it all summer, and we both felt it was important to be there. Of course it's easier for the Vampire, he's not due in until 6pm on Monday's, and there will be a good chance he will ask one of the girls to cover him... I on the other hand, need to be in by no later than 1pm, so I can do my monday obligations, food & liquor ordering, payroll, etc etc,.. But knowing I was playing in the Scramble Tournament, I planned ahead, (anyone that knows me, knows I don't plan ahead well... )... I did all my food ordering on Sunday, after a grueling Sunday Football Crowd... Called in all the orders ahead of schedule... So I am ready....

I go to sleep, and no.... I did not sleep with my new driver.... I don't know where these rumors start.... I slept like a baby, (I cried and wet the bed).. Just kidding..... I didn't cry...

I wake up around 5:45am, with a little spasm in my back, of course I think nothing of it, as I sleep on a pull out coach at my sisters, in which the mattress rivals the Rolling hills of Tuscany, (I've never been there, but you get the drift),... I roll over, and sleep a little more... A few minutes later I awaken with the same type of cramp... Now I try and remember back, and yes, I think I am getting a kidney stone... I jump out of bed, run to my car and grab my prescription for anti-inflammatory pills, for just this type of emergency. As I chew the pill, (I've eaten Big Macs in 3 bites but I gag when swallowing a pill), Then i read the label, huh... it says do not use after 5/2007... Ok, so what's the deal, by Thursday do I grow an arm out of my back??? No... How about a reaction that causes my head to have rapid hair growing making me look like the Werewolf?? Needless to say after a few minutes of over thinking I drift back into a painkiller sleep.... I get up, feel great and head to the course... If it is a kidney stone, I've silenced it's deafening pain...

At Chippanee, I get there first, then Billy the Vampire, Mark Bird, and Chris G, "the ghost" show up....

Great we got a Vampire, a Bird, a Ghost and a fat guy in shorts, (me)... It should be fun... We eat, like sailers going to sea for eternity... Okay, Maybe it's me that eats that way, The Ghost has some cole slaw and fruit... The Vampire goes for a burger, Cooked Rare of course... The Bird, well... he eats like a Vulture..... Me... I try to fuel my body wisely, thinking about utilizing the nutrition so I can squeeze out a few extra yards on my drives off the tee.... So I eat 2 Hamburgers and a Sausage patty, with no bread... I'm ready....

So this event is what they call a Scramble, all four golfers tee off and then you take the best ball, and all of us hit from that spot... I would rather play a regular round of golf, but in events like this, it speeds up play and lets you talk more when you're all standing in the same spot... We are to start on Hole #3, The Vampire snaps his cape and says follow me, (instead of flying or turning into a bat), he drives the cart... He's played here before, he knows his way around, well within seconds we are far away from where we are supposed to be, I tell him I think it's over there, motioning in a Northeast direction, he brushes my input away like King Kong swatted fighter jets away... He heads in a Southwest direction, all the while The Bird and The Ghost are following us like they followed the Pied Piper... Once Fang mouth realizes I am right, he asks for my help... We get to the right spot, a Par 3, and proceed to start the days round. It's almost 1pm, tee off was supposed to be at 12:30pm, but more importantly, no signs of the Kidney Stone... So I'm good....

All in all it was a great day, clear skys, jokes, beers for the other three, snorts of laughter, crotch grabbing, (we don't grab each others crotches, I really needed to clarify that), a fun day of golf...

We get back to the clubhouse and they have a tremendous dinner planned, it is then when I realize I can't stay, I have to work tonite... So I head to work. Once there, we get ready for the game, I check in with the girls, Erica, Taryn & Cassandra, they're fine, so I go to my sisters to change, once back my foe returns, The Kidney Stone... It is then that I decide to take another pill. I tell myself, "I'll be fine once this thing kicks in", of course I turn my head around to make sure the expired pills haven't made that extra limb grow yet.. I'm still good, just in a little pain..

Let me step back, have you ever had a kidney stone??? If not, you're lucky, if you have, well then, you know it hurts something fierce... They say that it's the closest men can feel to giving childbirth... And we're talking about a stone the size of a grain of sand... As much as it hurts, and in years past I can tell you it really does hurt... I'd much rather have a stone than squeeze a football out of a garden hose...

I'm doubled over now... I chew another half a pill.. Eventually the pain subsides... I finish at work... and go to sleep...

Tuesday morning I pass the stone... I'm good now for a few more years...

So if you're wondering, I suggest golf over a kidney stone...

I have to get up at WHAT time?????

That was the theme this past weekend in New Hampshire. You see my wife entered a Triathlon with her uncle in and around Lake Winnipesaukee on Saturday August 16th. As a good husband I drove her there and gave her as much support as possible. But no where did I agree to awaken at an ungodly time... Saturday I had to wake up at 4am, so that I could do my business, shower and be alert and ready to drive there at 5am. I've have never had such a tough challenge except maybe when I lost my virginity, of course in retrospect, the obnoxious, skinny girl with a back in 1978 wasn't that much of a challenge... But that's a story for another blog...

(Time for pee break or grab some coffee, this is gonna be a long one)

My wife has been tremendously understanding as I work too many hours too far from home. So when she cast out the line and said, "will you go with me?" I lunged at the hook.... (a little fishing reference since this is a story took place in New Hampshire), Friday she met me at my sisters in Woodbridge,CT at 9 ish, at that point we headed north... My car had been cleaned and defumigated from dirty socks, fastfood leftovers, stale coffee and the occasional cigar... her only complaint was the air freshener was little "overwhelming", mission accomplished I might add....
I had my standard Dunkin Donuts Large coffee for the ride... By the time I hit Hartford, (40 miles or so) I was ready for another coffee, by Springfield, MA I was ready for a pit stop. About ten miles from the MA/NH border I had to pull over... Nice trees on the side of I-91.. Okay, so we are back on course, and as we hit the border it's hard not to marvel at the mountains just north of us. You seem to forget how infinitesimal we are to the world around us... it's beautiful, but this great country has many outstanding views... I would like to digress, a big thank you to my nephew Garett for letting us use his Garmin GPS, we had fun with it, of course we called it Tom... Driving on we made good time, as we departed the interstate and jumped on Rte 5 to cross over the river from Vermont to New Hampshire and start our last 20 miles thru the mountain roads, I had to stop again to ...ummm.... see more trees on the side of the road...
We finally made the trek to Highland Street in Plymouth to her Uncle's house a mere 3 1/2 hours later... We gave my mother-in-law her birthday present, and did a quick tour around the property, it had been a year since we've been there, and Uncle Phil had a beautiful stone wall put up with a gate with granite pillars, (granite pillars are to New Hampshire what chain link fences are to prisons.... apparently common and desired) At this point I snapped a picture of the flowers, etc and this butterfly... Diana, her mom, Uncle Phil and myself headed for the Winnipesaukee to register and drop off the bikes, this trip saves me from getting up even earlier on Saturday, race day. We drive with Garett's Garmin, a/k/a Tom, but Uncle Phil directs us a different way than the GPS says, We head to Gunstock resort to register. It's on top of the mountain overlooking the lake, they had to register and get their packets and then head to Ellacoya State Park on the shore of the lake to drop off the bikes for the race. The New Hampshire Humane society had a tent at Gunstock and we stopped there to give a donation check to them, my wife, (actually me) went online and registered with firstgiving.com so that animal lovers like ourselves would donate to the NHHS. She raised $580 online and another few bucks with checks. So thank you to you all, (thank you from Diana to her friends, Marion, Suzanne, Sandra, Lucia, Jackie, Neil & Leslie and my friends, Billy Cal & Melissa, my childhood best friend Brian, Colleen & Jim, my Budweiser salesman Geoff and my niece Briana, a/k/a Beezer).We then dropped off the bikes and every time I am loading the bikes or opening my rear hatch I get the grease from the chains on me.. As I complain, I hear my wife in the background, "suck it up... it's just grease"...
We then headed back to Plymouth for dinner. Diana and I ate at The "Plymouth House of Pizza", they had redone the place, new paint, new carpet, same old old chairs and tables, but it was nicer than last year. At one point I ventured over to the bar area, surrounded by pool tables I was staring at the TV, as the Little League World Series were being televised, and a NH ruffian asked me, "What are you looking for??" I said, I'm looking for the Shelton CT little league team, his response, "yeah... they beat my little brothers team last week..", I smile and apologizes then headed back to my wife and ate my salad and burger... Back to the room, at the Red Carpet Inn, which was a 1 star motel at 10 star pricing... We watched the Olympics and I forced myself to sleep early as I mentioned I had to awaken at 4am... ARRRGGGHHHHH....

At 4 am my wife nudged me awake with a broom handle, knowing I wouldn't be receptive to that hour, I only bit off 8 inches of the handle before I came out of my grogginess... We picked up Mrs. McEwen and Uncle Phil and headed to the race... My eagle eyes spotted an open Dunkin Donuts on route 3, I cut right sharply (squealing my tires), threw my wife a 10 spot and pushed her out of the car for my coffee, I think her mother wanted to tell me to stop the car first before pushing her daughter out, but in the rear view mirror she could see my red swollen eyes and foam dripping from my mouth, so she said, "can I have a tea", instead...
We continued on our path to the lake shore. We made it in time to park close to the race.. At this time my coffee was almost empty and the foam was starting to brew at my mouth again and then through the fog, like an oasis in the desert, I saw it.... A Dunkin Donuts truck parked by the portapotty's... I ran over, leaving my mother-in-law in the dust and ran to the back of the truck where two young, sleepy DD employees were setting up, and I thanked them, (I'm sure they wondered who is this moron thanking them at 5:30 in the morning was). I'm sure they will know who I am soon...Uncle Phil's swim was at 7:15, Diana's 45 minutes later.. It's a swim first, bike second and finished with a run... Sounds easy right??? Not exactly, first off, you swim in the lake which seemed bigger than the state of Rhode Island, (most things are), with others in your class, arms flailing. legs kicking, it's no wonder someone doesn't drown... but here comes Uncle Phil, lime green swim cap up on shore... I cheered from him, but with all the commotion and the noise he didn't hear me. I waited for the yellow caps, my wife's class. Here she comes, coming out of the water smiling, a far cry from her first tri in Florida 8 years ago, when she came out of the Disney World lagoon with tears in her eyes...

If you have never been to an event like this before, you should go to one, besides the obvious, it starts way too early, it's a great event, all the spectators cheer and encourage one and all... There were 1000 people in this race, all shapes and sizes, in fact "Team Anger" had a few guys that looked like Chris Farley & Artie Lange, wearing Speedo swim trunks, I believe in some southern states this practice is against the law... As this behemoth lurches out of the water with flesh and skin jiggling, a few small children ran for cover. But kudos to them, this is no easy feat...

It was then time for the bike. I jogged over to the transition area to cheer my wife on, once again she was smiling, (go figure), off to the races with her new Specialized carbon fiber bike, (it's extremely light weight helps in any race). I snap a shot of her then head to the bike finish line to snap a shot her coming back in. Needless to say, at my advanced age, I couldn't tell if it was her flying down the hill, so I snapped about 15 pictures of people that I thought was her... By the time I realized it was her, I got a blurred shot... oh well, there's always next year. She made it through her transition to the run quickly. Then off to jog the last leg...
The beauty of an event like this is you end up cheering for everyone, and with everyone's bib numbers, is their first name, so you can bark out encouragement to all. by this time, my voice is hoarse, my hands are numb from clapping and I'm due for more caffeine.. But who can I complain to???

I see Uncle Phil finishing his run, and then I catch my wife almost at the last stretch run...
They finish.... GREAT JOB to them both....
My wife was in the upper third for all women... and Uncle Phil finished in third place for his age group... TREMENDOUS effort for them both.. I was proud of them both and for a fleeting moment I thought I could attempt this next year.... Just a fleeting thought, (honey I'm kidding, it's for comedic value, there's no way I can do this, even if you trained me for a year, so don't even ask..)...They both had snacks after the race provided by the sponsors... We waited around for the award ceremony... That's where Uncle Phil got his medal.. Then headed back the "Foster" Inn... The house that Uncle Phil lives in during the summer has been in their family since the early 1920's. It's a 28 acre plot with a gorgeous colonial built in 1804. The house has great old photos of the previous owners and some of the Simpson/Foster/Adams/Gore lineage If you're nostalgic you'd love it... Mrs. McEwen stays there with her brother in the summers and they both spend winters in Arizona in their respective homes...

My father-in-law, Kenneth Arthur McEwen is buried about a l mile away. Passing away early last summer after arriving from the west. A former US Marine who served this country in WWII. I brought my wife to the cemetery and saw the stone and bronze medal flag holder supplied by a grateful government. I'm sure he was watching with pride his brother-in-law & his oldest daughter during the contest.

Diana & I had lunch at Plain Jane's Diner, a short distance from Plymouth in Rumney, I had a salad & a burger... It's a cool little diner right out of the '50's and it has a cruise night every Wednesday for classic cars... Maybe next time we're here, it will be a Wednesday and we'll go...

Back to the room, and exhausting day to say the least, my hands are throbbing.... voice still a little strained, but I think I can gut it out a bit more...
Diana and I take a nap, it's only 1pm... wow.... you get a lot done when you wake at up early... We have dinner with Mrs M & Uncle Phil at Foster's Inn.. I ask, but they tell me it is no relation to them... I have a burger and a salad...

Head back to the magic carpet ride motel... their slogan is.... "located in the woods, but priced for the big city" .

We left for home on Sunday morning, hooked up Garett's Garmin again then tormented it with wrong turns to upset the womanly voice... By the time we hit Plain Janes for breakfast the Garmin was saying stuff like... "Garett listens to me" and "Garett never takes alternate routes" and finally, "Bring me back to Garett please"...

All in all, it was a great weekend, the only flaw was it wasn't long enough... I hope to come back to New Hampshire soon, and of course it would be nice to have my wife there too...

Just for the record... Diana... I was kidding I am not going to enter in next years Timberman event..... (but I am man enough to admit that my wife can outrun me and beat me up...)

Great Job to Diana and to Uncle Phil... and a Happy Birthday to Pippa too!!

I can't wait until next year, when I have to get up at WHAT time?????